Tired

I feel tired. Wanting to give up. Knowing it musnt.
You gave hope, then demolish it.
As usual, you're always like that since the first year I know you.
In my journal, this happened not only for now, even before we start everything, You Are Like That.
Is there any point of continuing? If I could, I really want to give up on you. I've been lacking in my studies, for sure.
I think naively, having the thoughts that everything is going to get back on line, normal like always and i shall start concentrating on my work.
I know I shouldnt put the blame on that i couldnt focus on my things. Depends on me whether I want or not only right? I know you people might have this thoughts seeing me like this.
I just dont know how to express this. When you're in my situation, you might know it. Or maybe you'll handle it much better.
I've been planning and thinking too much. I know it shouldnt.
I know if the things are yours, then it would be yours. If anyone out there wants to think of me, then you will think of me, even if Im not by your side.
My emotional intelligence seriously can reach a NEGATIVE VALUE.
Why is that I still force on something that really not meant for it, or not worth it for me to think of?
I just need to understand you more. To get into whats really on your mind. Although you've said it, but why is that i chose not to trust you for being so mean and still think that you're actually not like that. Maybe its due to you're unpredictable. You'll gave me something when I least expect, then walk off without me noticing. Hows that for me to control everything?
Everyone is telling me to really let go. Everyone can see things more clear. Everyone can tell me everyday to stay strong and leave it alone.
But im sorry. Im just a little too stubborn to listen for those advices.
Our timing is ALWAYS, NEVER be right.
Im not sure if your stress on your work affects those word you're telling me. Is that true? Or you really mean it? Is it worth for wasting your time on someone that had been hurting you again and again? You've been telling me its for my own good, this is just an excuse for you or you're really doing it for me? Can anyone tell me?
Always being so dependant on others. I feel myself so useless.
I just dont know what to do now.


Sigh.


IGNORE THIS POST IF YOU HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS MY BLOG. THIS IS AN EMOTIONALLY BREAKDOWN POST AGAIN. I DONT WANA RUIN YOU PEOPLE'S MOOD. I JUST NEED TO EXPRESS THEM OUT. SORRY IF YOU GUYS GOT ANNOYED.